


Like Riding a Bike

by BadBadBucky



Category: The Mighty Boosh (TV)
Genre: Fluff, Just all the fluff, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-01
Updated: 2019-10-01
Packaged: 2020-11-09 11:10:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,089
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20852474
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BadBadBucky/pseuds/BadBadBucky
Summary: Howard teaches Vince to ride a bike





	Like Riding a Bike

**Author's Note:**

> This was written for the Fictober19 prompt for October 1st: "It will be fun, trust me." 
> 
> I'm gonna try and post something every day for Fictober but I don't know that I'll actually accomplish it.

_ “It will be fun, trust me,” Howard said.  _

_ “Before this very moment I didn’t think you actually knew what the word fun meant. In fact, I’m still not sure you do,” Vince said, gazing doubtfully at the helmet in his hands. _

Howard Moon had thought he knew everything there was to know about Vince Noir, but the little man always managed to surprise him, even after all these years. A week ago Howard had made the shocking discovery that Vince didn’t know how to ride a bike.

Howard had been floored. “What do you mean you can’t ride a bike?”

Vince looked embarrassed. “Well there wasn’t really a flat surface in the jungle where I could learn, and Bryan wouldn’t even let me get on the bike the apes tried to build me out of coconuts and bamboo. He said it was a death trap. Then when he sent me to the world of man everyone just sort of assumed I already knew, so no one ever taught me.”

Howard remembered when they’d been children and he asked Vince if he wanted to ride bikes around the neighborhood or go on a biking adventure and Vince had always made some excuse for why he couldn’t go. Or he would run alongside Howard’s bike because his “bike was in the shop.” Howard offered to let Vince ride his bike or ride on the pegs so he didn’t have to run, but Vince always refused with a half smile. 

“Why didn’t you tell me? I would have taught you.”

“It was well embarassin’. Like okay, a nine year old can’t ride a bike. That’s fine. Normal. A thirteen year old with trainin’ wheels? Please. You know how all them chavvy kids was always after me for how I dressed. They woulda torn me to shreds.”

Vince had a particularly hard time as a teenager. He’d always liked to wear dresses and girls clothes. And when he’d been little no one had been able to tell whether he was a boy or a girl. The ultimate confuser, just the way he liked it. But when puberty hit and his voice dropped everyone suddenly took issue with the way he dressed. Grownups. Other kids. He’d shrank into himself, wearing clothes that were as close to normal as he could manage (which still wasn’t particularly normal, and of course made no difference to the people bullying him) and hadn’t really started to come out of his shell again until he was 17. During those challenging years it stood to reason that he wouldn’t submit to further mocking by trying to learn to ride a bike. Then Howard got his driver’s license and bought the van and they could go wherever they wanted and there was no need for him to learn. Now he was in his late 20’s and it seemed even more pointless and futile. 

After Vince’s confession, Howard had a mission. Teach Vince how to ride a bike. He knew Vince would love it once he figured it out. And it’d be good to have a way to get around since he didn’t drive. But Howard knew it was going to be a tough sell. Vince could be incredibly stubborn in his own daft way. If you ever tried to get him to do something he didn’t want to do he would just lead you down a fairy path until you practically forgot your name let alone that you wanted him to do the dishes or come to the jazz club. So in order to convince Vince to participate he was going to need the prospect to be irresistible. Which meant he had to find the coolest bike of all time.

He spent the next few days scouring bike shops, second hand stores, and craigslist for the perfect bike. And he’d finally found it. He’d gone and picked it up, along with a sturdy practical bike for himself. Then he’d found a helmet with a bright pink and purple silicon mohawk on top that he knew Vince would like and bought that along with a helmet the man at the bikeshop assured him was exactly what the cyclists on the _tour de france_ used for himself. 

And so with all the elements in place he told Vince the plan.

Vince sat curled up in an armchair idly flipping through a magazine. He’d completely forgotten the conversation they’d had about bikes. He looked up when Howard entered with something hidden behind his back.

“Little Man. I’ve got a surprise for you.” 

Vince instantly threw his magazine on the floor and jumped to his feet. “What is it?”

Howard held out the helmet. Vince took it from him, then stuck it on his head.

“Wow! Thanks Howard this is genius! It’s well cool.”

“That’s not the surprise.”

“What? Really?” Vince squawked. Surprises always got him wound up.

Howard smiled, he could see Vince’s heels lift off the ground as if he was about to start jumping up and down at any moment, like a kid who’d had too many Neptune Fizzes and couldn’t contain himself. 

“I’m going to teach you to ride a bike.”

Vince’s enthusiasm took a nosedive. “Oh. I don’t know Howard.” He took the helmet off. 

“It will be fun, trust me,” Howard said. 

“Before this very moment I didn’t think you actually knew what the word fun meant. In fact, I’m still not sure you do,” Vince said, gazing doubtfully at the helmet in his hands.

“Just come downstairs. And if you still don’t want to learn I won’t make you.”

Vince nodded. Howard had gone to all this trouble. He could at least go downstairs. 

They got to the bottom of the staircase and Howard told Vince to stop. Vince did and Howard stood behind him and covered his eyes with his hands. 

They walked into the shop, closed as it was Sunday, and then Howard uncovered Vince’s eyes.

It was the most beautiful bike Vince had ever seen. It was sparkly pink and purple with black streamers on the handlebars. There was a purple skull mounted on the crossbar between the handlebars and the seat was printed with pink and white skulls. Howard had taken the time to paint “Property of Vince Noir” on the frame in little white letters. 

Vince whipped around and threw his arms around Howard. Howard hugged Vince back, smiling into the smaller man’s hair. He’d been working hard to get over his issues with touch and was happy to see the effort was paying off. He was actually able to enjoy and reciprocate a hug from his much more physically affectionate friend. 

“Oh Howard. I love it. It’s gorgeous.”

“Ready to try riding it?’ Howard asked.

Vince hesitated then slowly nodded, biting at his lips.

Vince wheeled his bike,  _ his bike,  _ to the park nearby. Howard walked beside him wheeling a very respectable looking red bike. Vince had a solid giggle over Howard’s ridiculous teardrop shaped helmet and Howard told him with as much dignity as he could muster that the helmet was what all professional cyclists used and that once Vince was feeling a bit more confident he’d probably be wanting one as well.

“As if!” Vince giggled. He put on his helmet. “I don’t know how you manage to pick out such good stuff for me, then pick out stuff like that for yaself.”

“Well to determine what you would like I just ask myself what a mentally deranged 13 year old girl might like and that points me straight in the right direction. And to pick things for myself I ask what a man of distinction and taste would choose.”

Vince rolled his eyes but it was accompanied by a large toothy grin.

“Come on little man, time to ride.”

Vince kicked his leg over the bike. Straddling it. He sat down on the seat. Howard kicked the kickstand of his bike, not even as a child had Howard Moon ever just dumped his bike on the grass like a barbarian, and walked behind Vince.

He settled his hands on Vince’s waist. He couldn’t see the light blush cross Vince’s face at the contact. Things had changed since the night on the roof and Howard had returned from Denmark. It was like they were circling each other. They both knew it was inevitable that they were going to be together. It was so clear now. So obvious, but it just hadn’t happened yet. So every interaction crackled with sweet electricity. 

“Ok. Now put your feet on the pedals.”

Vince’s feet stayed resolutely on the ground.

“I’ve got you. I promise.”

Vince lifted one foot off the ground and put it on the pedal. Then he lifted his other foot off the ground. He wobbled and kicked his foot out in panic, but Howard steadied him.

“See? You’re okay,” Howard said.

Vince settled his other foot on the pedal. His forehead creased in concentration. 

“You aren’t gonna do that thing where you say you’re not gonna let go but then you do anyway are ya?” Vince asked. He’d seen that particular maneuver in plenty of movies and TV shows and it always made him a bit nervous. 

“No. I won’t.” Howard’s father had tried to teach him in that exact manner and it had ended in disaster. After two failed attempts his father had thrown his hands in the air and given up. It was Howard’s mother who finally taught him to ride properly. And she had never let go until he said he was ready. 

“Alright Vince, time to pedal.”

Vince pedaled, slowly. Howard pushed him along, helping him get used to balancing on the bike (surely it had to be easier than balancing on those gigantic platforms he insisted on wearing). 

Vince gripped the handlebars with white knuckles and when he got overwhelmed he started to swerve, but Howard always managed to catch him before he toppled over, keeping a loose but secure grip on Vince’s waist.

They’d been at it for half an hour. Sweat poured off Howard’s face at the effort of keeping Vince upright. Vince set both feet on the ground and Howard let go. He swiped at his brow with the sleeve of his jumper.

“Howard. It just isn’t workin’. I’m rubbish at this. It’s okay. So I don’t know how to ride a bike. There are worse things.” 

Brave words but he was so disappointed with himself. What a coward. Too scared to ride a bike. He crossed his arms over his skull knit jumper. And kicked at the red and orange leaves on the ground, ducking his head so his fringe fell in front of his eyes and shielded his face from Howard. 

Howard admitted that the lesson was not going especially well. Vince just couldn’t seem to get it. But then he remembered how hurt he’d been when his dad had given up after only the briefest of attempts. How useless he’d felt. That he couldn’t successfully do even the most simple of tasks. It wasn’t just that his dad had given up. It was that his dad had  _ let  _ Howard give up. 

“You’ll get it Vince. I swear you will. It’ll just take a little more time. Now up you get.” Howard grabbed Vince’s waist again.

Vince settled his feet on the pedals. He slowly pedaled forward. Howard kept him steady but as they moved forward Vince felt his balance returning.

He pedaled a little faster.

When learning to ride a bike all it takes is the Snap™ and then you have it for life. When people say you never forget how to ride a bike, it is because of the Snap™. Basically you’ll be going along, thinking there is no way on earth that you’ll ever figure it out. That you’ll be doomed to be the loser kid on the block who can’t ride and all of your friends will laugh at you when they find out and then you’ll never be able to get a job or get married and your life is basically over just because everyone decided that 2 wheels were so great and then-SNAP! You balance. You’re moving forward. You’re upright. And you cannot for the life of you figure out why it seemed so hard. In that instant you go from not knowing how to ride a bike, to knowing how to ride a bike. And it is that fast. But prior to the snap there is nothing more stressful in the life of a child (or a late blooming adult) than the prospect of trying to ride a bike. 

Vince hunched forward, a look of determination on his face. He pedaled. Then. The Snap™. He was balancing with no help whatsoever from Howard, though true to his promise Howard still had a loose grip on Vince’s waist. Howard could feel it. He knew Vince had it at the very same instant Vince knew, but he wouldn’t let go. Not until Vince said.

“Hey Howard?”

“Yeah Little Man?” 

“I think you can let go. I think I have it.” 

Howard released and Vince pedaled off, steady as if he’d been doing it his whole life.

Howard could hear Vince laughing as he raced off down a little path. He knew that laugh, the one that had Vince’s jaw working up and down in a big grin. The one that made him look like a batty old witch cackling. It was Howard’s absolute favorite of Vince’s smiles. He had a sort of mental catalogue. There was the mischievous smile. The display smile. The customer smile. The interview smile. This one was by far his favorite. 

Howard jumped and pumped his fist in the air. Understanding for the first time what it might be like to be in a sports movie.

“Alright Vince! Yeah!” Howard cheered. “Now back to me!”

Vince may have experienced the Snap™ but he was still quite new to cycling and so when he tried to turn he ended up running directly into a tree. 

“Vince!”

Howard ran over to where Vince lied on the ground. He helped Vince sit up. His nose was bleeding and his skinny jeans were ripped at the knee.

“Are you okay?”

Vince smiled. “That was brilliant!” 

Howard handed Vince his handkerchief and Vince wiped away the blood. Then Howard helped Vince to his feet. They had a very brief lesson on steering and spent the rest of the afternoon riding around the park. 

Howard had known that once Vince figured it out he would take to it like a duck to water. And he’d been right. They rode along little paths, then Vince would pour on a burst of speed and leave Howard in the dust, only to come up from behind a few minutes later, laughing like a madman, screaming “come on Howard!” as he screeched past again.

They raced. They rode slow so Howard could point out different species of birds and Vince would ask for all the hot bird gossip and translate it for Howard. 

They rode around the park until it started to get dark. Far too early for either of them.

“Time to go home Little Man,” Howard said.

“One more lap. Please Howard,” Vince whined.

Howard acquiesced, as he had all his life when Vince used that tone. 

So they rode one more lap. Vince leading them in a leisurely loop through the park until he came to a tiny covered bridge over a tiny stream that snaked through the park. 

Vince stopped on the bridge then climbed off the bike, kicking the kickstand. Howard paused as well.

“Thank you Howard. That was the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me,” Vince said, biting his lip, and looking up at Howard in that way that drove Howard mad.

The water lapped at the struts of the bridge. A cool fall breeze shook the leaves of the trees outside. The only other sound was of Vince and Howard’s breathing.

Vince leaned over and planted a kiss on Howard’s lips. Then he hopped on his bike and pedaled off, screaming over his shoulder “Race ya back to the flat!”

Howard growled. That little titbox. He jumped on his bike and sped off after Vince. 

Vince won, but only because he cheated. 

They stuck their bikes in the storeroom down in the shop then went up back to the flat.

As the victor, Vince had the right of first shower. After he came out of the bathroom, with a large billow of steam that almost certainly meant there was no hot water left, Howard tended to his scraped knee. Howard cleaned the scrape with peroxide, smirking at Vince’s little hiss of pain, then putting a plaster that had a few lyrics from  _ Friday I’m in Love  _ by the Cure printed on it. After so much success with hair products, the Cure had decided to release a range of first aid items called the Cure Cure. Vince always kept their plaster around the house as he was forever falling off his platforms, burning himself with straighteners, nicking himself with fabric shears, and jabbing himself with sewing needles. 

Howard leaned down and pressed a lingering kiss to the plaster on Vince’s knee. He heard Vince’s breath hitch.

Then is a strangely cracked and hesitant voice Vince said, “My nose hurts too.”

Howard straightened up. There was indeed a light dusting of purple across Vince’s nose. Howard leaned forward. Vince closed his eyes, a little nervous but expectant smile tugging at his lips. Howard kissed the flat plane of Vince’s nose.

A beautiful smile bloomed across Vince’s face. His eyes were still closed. He looked so open. So unbelievably sweet. Howard knew this was his chance. The best chance he’d ever get. 

He pressed his lips to Vince’s. Not a quick peck like Vince’s on the covered bridge. Slow and lingering. Vince was still warm from the shower. His silk kimono slid off one shoulder. 

And with the opening sally out of the way Vince was ready to ratchet things up. He grabbed Howard’s face in his hands and kissed Howard back.

There’s another kind of Snap™ that happens when the world falls into place and you’re kissing your soulmate  _ properly  _ for the first time. Why had it seemed so hard? Why had it seemed so scary? Why hadn’t he been doing this since they were kids? Why had he resisted for so long?

Kissing Howard was just like riding a bike. Natural. Wonderful. Absolutely genius. 


End file.
